wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
