Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
