I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
