Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
