Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
