Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
