Fuck appropriateness.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Randomize
