i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
last night I used snow as a chaser
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
