Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
