we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
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Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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