he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
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Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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