Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
