you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
