dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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