i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
