i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
