Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
