I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
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