dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
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Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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