I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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