Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
