He asked to "fluff my boner.."
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
