he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
