I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
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i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
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Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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