i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
