I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
how does that bad decision feel?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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