just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
