Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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