She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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