I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
