I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
