god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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