He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
