I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
