Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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