I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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