I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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