last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
