I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
soo... how was my night?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
