Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
