we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
