Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Success! We fucked roommates!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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