she takes plan B like it's going out of style
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
