oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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