Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
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Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
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Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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