so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
