i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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