i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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