let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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