Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
