I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
