who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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