I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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