The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
