the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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