I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
