why didn't you poke me back
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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