do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
