I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
