Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize