If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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